Hello Ladies
OMG ...insight ... listening to you mothers about your daughters ... my mother probably thought I hung around with creeps in my teens ... tho "creep" was not one of her words. lol ... She had filled me with so much talk about love being hard work and pain ... that I thought my job was to love my partner even though I did not really like him. If I heard a girl saying someone was a creep, I immediately jumped to the creep's defence! Der ...all unconscious stuff about rescuing the dead father .... no wonder I got into weird situations. I was also alone, solidly working, studying and helping her for long enough to have earned plenty of respect before I married. I was not oppositional, but left to focus on survival, but she was vengeful hiding behind endless statements about forgiveness. She never forgave me for being alive. I am sure you are different in that aspect with your girls. It has taken me so long to get conscious about gender roles and any norms in society.
My daughter just had to get away from all the confusion. I have to love her from a distance.
Maybe its like over corrections ...mother was very snobby about men ...always condescending ... even though she had no education ...I guess it was her defence ....ah ... the eternal feminine.
Recently read in sister's file about how mother seemed very loving to my sister's social worker. I was so aware of the pressure on mother as young as 6 and all the way through. She did not reciprocate (ever). She wanted me to help her get the children back from welfare and I helped in that but it was not good for them or I. That is the guilt I felt about their deaths, not that I did anything bad to them. Remaining "in care" may not have been a better outcome... just a different tragic story.
Sorry .... I am trying not to be resentful but with insight ... not just superficially shaking off bad feelings ...and being cheerful... but integrating it ...if you know what I mean ...
Better go and make pancakes.
Not up to my plans ... keeping it very simple.
Take care @Former-Member and friends.
