Hey there
@Phoenix_Rising,
@Spookytookims and anyone else currently sitting, holding rainbows or drinking tea in the nest.
That choice phoenix_rising, between being a voluntary patient or being scheduled is what I call an impossible choice and it makes me sad and angry to hear you've experienced it too. It's a HUGE part of my whole mess. An impossible choice was the reason life went bam. I have faced too many impossible choices in the last little while that I'm starting to crumble. With the LF there are tug boats lingering in the ocean that kind of are a threat when faced with impossible choices as well. And when impossible choices are presented ever so nicely, with an emphasis on "this is your choice" and "we want you to feel empowered" and "we don't want to cause you stress", it makes me doubt whether I am hearing what I am hearing. I start wondering what's wrong with me because I feel like I am the only one who can see what's happening, so I start questioning whether it is real or make believe and everything feels way more scary then. Right now I feel like I am in that very rocky ocean and there are a whole fleet of boats just watching me waiting to see what I do. I feel like with these catt boats (they're boats dressed in white to me) they are also poking and prodding me to see if I tip over. So I want to run but I am stuck on the spot because I fear any move could trigger any of these boats into action. And when I feel like I need to run but I am frozen, I start feeling like I am spinning and then sinking into a whirlpool. I know you understand this, and I think there are lots of others here who might understand too, which helps me feel a lot less on my own and a little less like I am losing my mind.
Ok, so now I have vented and gotten that out I am leaving that here. That's a worry about tomorrow thing, because today I have a whole swarm of people coming to the house for the inspection and meeting .The good thing about this is that all of a sudden this fear is so much less than it was because the boats in white are taking up my headspace at the moment.
I had the best adventure at the supermarket today. I am planning on sharing it later as a fun thing to do when I need something to have a giggle about. I didn't care that it took three times longer than a normal shop, or that I walked up and down the aisles picking up and putting down all kinds of interesting things. It made me feel good
🙂Hope you have a peaceful day too!
