Life can be a Pain

[Former-Member]

Morning guys
I just got a blanket email from an old friend saying her cancer has moved to her brain and she needs radiation and asked for prayer.

This was my reply, do u think its ok?

Dear R#, I don't know what to say, this is so hard for you, your family. Once scripture comes to mind. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" (Job 13) & "God knows the end from the beginning" (Isaiah 46). Our Lord Jesus has a way of caring for our eternal future, yours and those around you, somehow there's a greater purpose in this that we don't understand. Lazarus was resurrected for Gods Glory. Your children, because of your faithfulness to God, I know in my heart they will be ok, and do great things for the Lord. No matter what happens, God is in control. I will pray.
My mum mailed me a bracelet to give to you. Her way of saying 'I understand' I guess. My mum is a fighter too (cancer), but she lashes out a lot.. Mum has dropped another dress size - chemo is off the table for her re age & quality of life. She has outlived drs 2yr prognosis. Dad needs her. I have to work out what I can give that does not do me harm. Dads sister had a stroke recently but also defied the odds and walking again, at 84. It all just seems back to front for my head to get around. So the HS reminds me "not to lean on my own understanding and trust the Lord" (Proverbs 3).
The Lord has been patient with me, I have struggled getting on with life and His work. But I do go to a weekly ladies bible study, and a couple 1/2 days days volunteer at Op Shop here. Hobbies of late are furniture and sewing. Still trying to declutter, need healing in that regard. Get lonely and down, sad and unmotivated too much, most people don't understand. My S3 visited for mothers day for the first time since he left home (I've felt like such a failure as a mum) so that was a surprise. He's still angry with God about losing his sister and his parents divorce. Plz pray for him if you have the energy. He broke up with his 5yr girlfriend recently but holding down F/T work. Think he gets lonely (feeling 'all alone in the world' he says. So we never stop being a mum. My sister continues to snub me but I did get a birthday card recently. The Lord has reconnected me with a cousin, strong in faith and just what my soul needed with my own family not bothering much for me. Turns out my cousin appreciates having a Christian family member to talk to, and we've spent hours on the phone ptl. My health is, well the obvious - weight, spine degeneration really getting me down at times (pain), mood and heart issues, But kinda functioning. J still visits regularly (the only soul who has) and although I think she wants me to be 'more' - I'm eternally grateful for her and all of you there at #church, who took me under wing at most desperate need. I literally had nobody and not coping . thank you.
Better stop typing and get out of bed.
Take care precious sister in the Lord.
🌷🌿

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I don't know how much of your post was your letter to your friend and how much was for us - but one thing I know in this world is that there are no right words for anything like this - nothing that can console - but the truth lies in that we write - that we get in touch with people and let them know we care

After my son died our house was full of flowers - none from my family but from all the organisations and people my then-h were involved in - and we lived completely different lives so it was pretty amazing

But I found the letters I received the best - and you have written and added scripture - which can never hurt if she is a believer - and I would add that "The sufferings in this world are nothing compared with the glory to come" - which I think is from one of St Peter's epistles and then - "In my father's house there are many mansions - if this was not the case would I have told you that I have come to take you to myself" - which is from St. John's Gospel - and I know that one is often read at funeral services but the outlook for brain cancer must be grim - and knowing that God has prepared a place for us - and it is for us alone - that is really fantastic

You seem to know the OT better than I do - I have read the NT more - but still - I will have you and your friend in my prayers

My the Lord bless and keep you - 

Dec

✝

[outlander]

Hi @Owlunar
Wishing you well for your specialist appointment tomorrow

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar, they are 2good extra scriptures. Tanks for your faith. This friend (from old chch) is only 40yo, with 5 children (15,13,11,9,7), she was diagnosed with Breast cancer x10 yrs now, been through x3 rounds of chemo. It moved to her bones 2yrs ago, now its in the brain just under the skull. She started radiation today, but as you say - poor prognosis.She was a health freak, even ran a gym, and home births and home schooling. And organic foods... Its just not fair. That little house church has had a lot of cancer. The ministers father died last night, the ministers wife has had 2 bouts of breast cancer, an elder died from melanoma, the treasurer had breast cancer / mastectomy last year, her brother died of C the year before that. You can imagine where my depression held up in the middle of that, physical illness is louder, MI iscstill seen as a choice, so I pretty much suffered in silence. But felt their pain, its onebofcthe reasonsvi stopped going, I feel everyone's pain, even the children and it weighs heavy on me andvi don't know how to do that. I still stay in touch but just go to a weekly multidenominational bible study small group now, that's my 'church' attendance. Don't wanna be owned by any of them.

I too spend most my time in the NT but the bible study GP alternates OT & NT so I cover a bit there. Did 6months F/T Bible College years ago (Certificate in Ministry), lot of good it does me now.

I've been on the edge of tears all night, some terrible grief is about to come upon me i think. Or something. Pray i cope. Need to stop thinking a while. Gotta go, hope you're OK 🌷🌿

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I have that appointment in less than three hours - I feel physically uncomfortable - but emotionally okay - the good thing is I haven't had a phone call cancelling it

Hi @Former-Member

You are right - life can be so unfair - the base of it is that nothing we can do here can be the be-all and cure-all - life is just what it is - the best of people can suffer terribly while it can sometimes seem as if the worst can get away with things - 

Life the luck of the draw with smoking - some people get cancer and other's don't - how do we work that out? Actually we can't

My gripe

My stars - yesterday in the supermarket I was nearly skittled by a child who suddenly ran fast around the corner into the aisle and (she was so little) nearly ran into me - and if I had not moved quickly I could have fallen onto her and she would have been hurt - as indeed would I have. As it was the sudden movement caused me a lot of pain - I have it still

But I am ashamed - I yelled "DON'T RUN!!!" really loudly - and scared her - I didn't see what happened because I just collapsed over the trolley - but the woman I was with saw - ands the mother picked the child up and was comforting her and she glared at me apparently - and later the mother had put the child into the trolley with her younger child - but still

As badly as I feel I know I would do the same again - I am vulnerable in such places yet I feel as if I have the right everyone has to be their and select my own shopping - small children should be minded by their parents and not allowed to run around like that

If I had fallen onto that child it could have been so much worse. I didn't sleep well thinking about it - and felt shame - shame that I yelled at a very small child and shame that I would do the same again

Really bad - and another part of me says I have the right to defend myself and falling - esp onto a small child - would have been far worse - yes - I am glad I am seeing my pain-specialist today

Dec - sore as

Yes - it feels like this - but my specialist is a woman and I don't rap-dance

[outlander]

good luck with your appointment @Owlunar let me know how you go

[outlander]

hello loveley @Former-Member 

im busy busy busy- i updated my hospital thread if youd like to take a look. i not long got out of my gp and im finally being taken seriously but i wont right too much on here even though im sure Dec doesnt mind but its easier to read it off there and then respond whereever you like instead of writing it everywhere lol

im trying to think of something new to do- esp my rawing im kinda out of ideas at the moment, but i have been studying as well so thats abit of occupying where i can

yeah ive got a horse who has an eye ulcer at the moment and is taking up quite alot of my time as it ahve to tend to her three-5 times a day in among doing everything else .

im sorry to hear your in so much pain too- ahve you tried a heat pack or hot water bottle with some pain relief- i do that when my slipped disk and scoliosis is worse than usual..

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander and @Former-Member

I am back from my pain specialist - it went very well - she is very pleased and is glad I have dropped so much medication and I can take a little more of a couple if I need to - which could be the case during the winter

That child in the supermarket - that could have been so much worse - at least I was seeing my pain specialist this morning and I could tell her these are the unexpected things that happen - and she understood that. 

I am such a bright sunshiney person when I am talking to people - I was glad to see her - she is so nice and she is not changing anything atm - which is cool - and assure me I could cut some of my medication if I chose but she is not cutting any thing out herself - that's a relief.

Lapses - I do have crutches that I used a lot in the past - maybe I will need in the future - they are fore-arm crutches - easy to manage - I don't use them now -  but I have had people be very rude when I am using them - and at the clinic - there were other people worse off with their mobilty than I am - walkers, crutches, canes - and all moving so slowly - it is not measure of their pain but their ability to manage - definitely - 

I was an athlete and the same mind is running the same body - so I did the best for myself for most of my life - I am pretty strong

Dec

[Owlunar]

Yes @outlander

I use heat for my back - when I got back from the supermarket yesterday I got the heat pack - I was going to sleep watching Star Trek so I left the DVR recording and went to bed - and went to sleep until about 9.00pm - then I could watch everything I had recorded - there was a horrible movie on - I do not like dark crime movies - there is something freaky about them

Your horse does have a bad eye - and does need that treatment - you have a lot to do but I am sure that horse is a top priority along with your Pop - and I will check your hospital thread in a moment

@Former-Member

I am not in a hurry to get any other aids for walking - when my parents went into aged care my mother was fine - but they gave her a A-Frame and she was dependent upon it straight away and I felt badly about that - not necessary. Okay - maybe the place needed to have her using it for their insurance but if I was told I had to use one of those I would be pushing it with my finger tips unless I was really bad - I hate those A-Frames - they make me sea-sick - honestly

Dec

[Owlunar]

Wow @Former-Member - that's terrific that your daughter's article was in the Compassionate Friends Newsletter - my son's story had a front page article years ago - I remember how it felt - great feeling

I don't belong now - and I don't get the newsletter or cards - there was something I couldn't handle anymore - and it was really painful for me - but I cancelled out. I was a volunteer for a while and wrote those cards that people get at anniversaries - and I would sit there and be really thoughtful about what I wrote - and there was an emptiness in the cards I received - I think my son's life and death were so complicated nothing really touched the pain there - still doesn't - and it's no one's fault - just the way things are

I'm glad you went to the Riverside March - I did go to things like that in the past - in a few weeks it will be his 31st anniverary - time does heal a lot - it's true - but there are things time doesn't heal - but I guess naturally I moved on - one must make room for those to come - that's life

Dec