Lived Experience Forum

[TAB]

my current GP is good enough @PeppyPatti  I guess I trust them , within the bounds of the system they work in.  Go to womens shed and sit.  Good luck with the quilts 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @PeppyPatti 🙂🌺

All the best with the full steam ahead production of quilts, sounds busy, however I do hope you get to enjoy the process too 💜🌺

Sounds good, visiting that men’s shed - I hope it’s as un overwhelming as you need 🤗🌺

my current Gp is great - she’s just a bit new to it, so isn’t quite up to speed on everything; but the bit that matters is that she is kind, open, and supportive 🙂 and I am totally ok if she is learning as she goes, which also means I get input on that from a patients perspective! 🙌🏻☺️

In my case, the fact that I do get overwhelmed with maxing out my brain bandwidth, the docs are supposed to help not dump too much at once, then blame stress (which is what a doc did to me once), whereas I countered with if they decided to help instead of making me be my own case manager, by practicing multidisciplinary integrated medicine then that stress would lift… 🙂🌺

some of the severe stress is lack of understanding regarding circumstances and functional strengths: I have noticed that some practitioners expect all people to fit a very narrow range of ‘moulds’ and if you’re outside of expectations, then you’re further shaped to fit - placing the onus to change on patients - very hard to live with and maintain a semblance of individuality at the same time, I think  💜🌺

[Glisten]

@PeppyPatti 

There are Men’s/Women’s Sheds everywhere.

Find one that does quilting. They’ll love you.

G

[PeppyPatti]

Yes @PinkFlamingo 

You write - lack of understanding regarding circumstances and functional strengths: 

I'll need to look what functional strengths mean 🍀 

I get very overwhelmed. Mr Rocker and I took my mum out for dinner. We three have dinner once per week. I choose to do this.

Iv been eating chocolate all week too. 

Probably because the weather in good ol' Perth has been very warm and no raining for a long time. 

Makes you think of that Beatles song, " here comes the Sun," 

[Doldip15]

I haven’t checked out this post for a while as often scared to face the loneliness in my soul but I realise reading your posts, I’m definitely not alone! Like you, I believe it comes from experience long ago when I learned life and people were not to trust in close relationship and even when I found a partner I could communicate with far better and who was as motivated as I was to create a caring relationship, what did he do? He left via the most painful path possible! He died! And I got to support him through that while being abused by his daughters, threatened with physical violence, financial ruin, just plain petty nastiness! I even had to send my youngest daughter to live with her older sister to escape the nastiness of his daughters! He can’t be blamed I know but sometimes I feel an irrational anger for this period of my life! A safe have destroyed in so many ways! I will never trust a safe haven again! But yes I learned to be even stronger in some ways! Could not compensate to my daughter for losing the only real person who showed her any care other myself! And he got his wish to die at home! After I had the police remove his most violent daughter! They came back and took what they pleased from the house the day after his death and when the solicitor offered to get it back, I told him it wasn’t worth dying for! Changed the locks and burnt them out with sage! And try to hold the good memories except when anniversaries come back to haunt you! Then I have a good bawl and get devastatingly lonely all over again! Had an interesting range of advice on returning to work though! From “well you love them while you have them, but when they’re gone, just say goodbye and find another” from a lady who had had 5 husbands! “Make sure you secure your finances and protect them well from the next person you meet as their probably only after your money”. “Don’t marry again, just have lovers and dump them!” From a lady in her 80s! No one wanted to know that I had every intention of staying alone! It at least provided distraction from pain and grief! The loneliness hit like a ton of bricks when I drove home and would stand long hours looking into the night contemplating how to end my life too! I’m still here though, contemplating how my life may end??? That’s 23 years ago. While the loneliness persists- at least I’ve had a break from contemplating how to end my own life! Too busy working or looking for work in between or arguing with banks re finances! Maybe I should write to the banks and thank them for giving me motivation to stay alive! What do you all think? Pain of a different kind! Wouldn’t it be nice if the beautiful things you make in craft actually sold! Then you could feel better and be financially better off! They are gratefully received when you give them away but they have never sold on GumTree, eBay etc! Spent 2 weeks making a special order once for which I was actually going to be paid and my daughter lost the package on the way to the PostOffice! One item alone had taken me a week to make! The others not so complicated! Do we wonder why we don’t give up? I make lists and hope to achieve the list! Then I lose the list! Life goes on! I’d love to hear how you stay on top or near on top! Music was always my place to go but no stereo connected since I moved, Google nest not properly connected so another challenge to sort, must try something different! Anyway, to all the lonely, wish I could keep you meaningful company and take away the pain! Hope something joyful comes along to say you are a special person to your soul! Even if it’s only that little bird singing sweetly of the bush for a short while when you’re r looking out the window. 
@Doldips15

@PinkFlamingo 

@PeppyPatti 

@TAB 

@Glisten 

@tonys 

Tony

[tyme]

Wow @Doldip15 ,

Thank you for sharing. What an inspirational post.

I can assure you that you are not alone. ....

So many times, people grieve what they have lost (which is okay to do), but then forget to live the life they now have.

We are here to support each other. Your post was truly so uplifting 🙂

Thank you for sharing. I recognise it's not easy.

[PeppyPatti]

Dearest @Doldip15 

What do you make in craft ? Yep, I'm picking up 5 quilts to sell on 22 April. Iv only given them away in the past but confident now to try and sell. I'm not holding my breathe. 

But I think I'll start an online stall on Etsy with everyone else. You never know. 

I'm sorry about how those terrible daughters treated you. You didn't deserve it. You just wanted to grieve and get in with life, an' remember the good times....

 It's taken me years to get where I am, making squares and having a quilt in mind - 

I live in a fairly ' untidy ' flat. I'm not the best cleaner and there's fabric everywhere. My flat is small so there's lots of  important stuff in plastic boxes. It's all meaningful to me but I don't know if it would make sense to others.

As you write of birds, my two budgies keep me very amused and loved but Mr Rocker, at 56 yrs old the first partner iv had to properly care for me. 

In the past and today, I write here, a parents with borderline personality disorder in a forum in America, I m forever reading about art and artists and I have 2 support workers who ensure I'm staying o. Track. They are very young but iv lucked I. Because they both study I like listening to their studies 

 

 

[tonys]

I try to stay away and bend to my task at hand. Leave space for those at the pedestal pond for others that thirst for a word of love. It to sacred these waters for my waste words.   And then I see posts like yours 

@Doldip15  and others on this thread. I could tear out my heart and send it to you, the lost. .  but only by half might it know of your pain.  

I had to prepare some thing for Anzac Day inspired by things I read on the grateful thread on Sane. Its all the gift I have.

I share with you and kin of Sane that you will know . . . I care.  We your friends   care.

                                   LIFE..                      

                Grateful the wild rivers     run through our minds

                   A quench to the drought lips    be pain rendered blind.

                 Stone cold those alleys

                     To warm welcome valleys

                        The memories of love      that remembers us kind..

                 Rainbows to playgrounds      leaf littered   lane lives

                     Do think on us kindly         Those lace curtain wives

                 Ribbons unfold

                      From a small lie we told.

                          Forgiving spring blossoms    Still honey bee thrives..

                  Grateful those amber's     from farm house to gate

                      Those sons left behind    those sons come back late.

                   The Autumn's  leaf falls   

                       Lost names  on the walls.

                   Cast pebbles        No ripples      pond eye   of stilled slate..

                   Flat coffee life     In a Campbell's  soup cup

                       No gravity compass     No which way is up.

                   Thyself  be  unkind

                      To  unwind  in the mind.

                   Dreams battle scar screams     of the orphanage pup..

                   Gratitude's,   Platitudes,        empty fish nets 

                      Grant me an ocean       that  always  forgets

                    Grateful my spoon

                       For that harvest  snow moon

                         Warm smiles 

                                              at piles 

                                                           Of life's  unpaid debts..

                      Grateful the mouse that takes crumbs from my hand.

                         The  whisper that left   from our two  lost souls band.

                      And when dampers gone

                         My friend  will move on.

                     Too  grateful..     Too  far  gone..   To  try n  understand .  .  .     poem by tonys mb 1   

                                                                                                                      courtesy filigree publishing.

Too much hurt out there,  and thats all I have.

@Lila3    @PeppyPatti   @Glisten  @PinkFlamingo  @bluebell  - @Oaktree -   @Jynx  @Historylover 

@greenpea @Healandlove  @ENKELI  @StuF   @cloudcore  @SmilingGecko  @Meowmy  @Shaz51  @Adge   @Clawde  @saturnzoon ..

So good to see you back Oaktree.. Sis.    please take care ..

Doldip..  this is your time,, we are all here for ... You.                                               tonys..

[tyme]

Hope you're okay @tonys 🙂

Great to see you

[Lila3]

These words puncture through a loneliness that's been with me ALL along.

I originally thought the loneliness arrived just prior to my first inpatient hospital admission, aged 21. During that admission I was officially diagnosed with BPD. Ohhh, I thought..."THEY know what's wrong with me... maybe now someone can sort me out! " *The 'sorting out never really happened. THEY never really understood anything about me. It was just a tag attached to a production line, running on the conveyer belt through a crumbling mental health system. Heaving at the seams with need.

In truth, as a tiny girl I felt like an alien amongst my own kin. Or maybe they were the alien & I was the real deal? Animals felt like home. My dad would yell at me, I was always doing something wrong (questioning every damm thing)... I'd go into the backyard & lie down with the dogs & cry & cry. Then I'd look into their big brown eyes & see a brother or a sister.

I cry less now; aged 48. Still I look into the eyes of my dogs & see my reflection staring back. Humans are complex animals.