-Enigma-

[Former-Member]

- thanks for the laugh @Adge. Hope all is going well for you

[Adge]

People each seem to thrive or manage differently @Former-Member

I can well understand that it's good & best for your daughter to be out of an abusive relationship.

However, I don't do well when single & living on my own (as for the past 8 years).

I always thought that I was more content & proactive, even when I was in an abusive marriage - I've had several abusive relationships.

My psychologist disagrees with me - she thinks I'm doing better single (on my own).

Adge

[Former-Member]

Loneliness also isn't a good thing either @Adge. Do you get together with others outside of work? If I am alone too much I do get very down. I think that's natural. Do you feel lonely?

I was badly abused as a child. I could never be content with that again??? I would rather be alone with self respect than being demeaned, damaged and abused. Abuse and being used can push my daughter to self harm and major depression (abusive relationships). It does her head in. She came close to losing her life because of it. That is probably what your psychologist means @Adge.

But it's also distressing to be on our own totally with no one there for us. I totally get that. I am trying to not let that happen to my best friend. She saids the silence in the house since her husband has died is deafening.xx

[Adge]

I lost nearly all my (few) close friends very abruptly @Former-Member Soon after my marriage ended.

So I have not had anyone to get together with (generally) - except a friend who lives 2 hours drive away, who I see a few times a year.

Yes, I've felt lonely for years - I think I've sort of numbed out to feeling lonely (never get used to it).

I do make efforts to meet people & to make new friends - somewhat limited by having severe fatigue issues (Sleep Apnea & CPTSD).

Yes self-respect is very important, I agree. My childhood through to early adulthood, was one of severe neglect, EA & SA.

I am sorry & sad that your daughter reached that point.

Yes, the silence in my house used to be deafening too, I gradually got used to it (sort of).

I'm glad that you can be there for your friend, that's lovely.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Very true, loneliness is not something we ever get use to. We weren't meant to live like that I feel. And having chronic fatigue makes it hard to find the motivation to get out there - I suffered the later from severe low D vitamin levels and stress - I hid inside for over a year some time back (agoraphobia). I did go down. I think you are very strong.

You would think in a world with billions that loneliness would be easily rectified. But not in this day and age. Everyone being so busy and wrapt up in there own lives. It is not easy and we do have to get out there....Do you have a sleep apnea machine? If you do, does that help you sleep and with the fatigue?

Sounds like you had a rough childhood too. It's time for something better for you @Adge. You are a lovely person, deserve it and believe me, there would be a lot of people out there who would appreciate your company! It's just finding that motivation, self belief and the right people who we gel with; trial and error...it took me years and even now I have too push. I start off in small bursts with stepping out and meeting people - and within my own mental/physical limitations, then built up from there.  8 years is too long my dear @Adge. You deserve some happiness in life xx

[Adge]

Yes, you are right @Former-Member We weren't meant to live like that.

I'm actually very social in the right circumstances, even though I've always been very much an introvert.

I have not been able to use my CPAP machine for the past 3 years, since my bowel surgeries.

I was too weak, & I couldn't sleep with (or tolerate) it anymore.

It never reduced my fatigue, in any case (even after using it for 9 years) - although it would reduce my risk factors, if I was able to sleep with it again.

That's why I've been on stimulant medication for about 11 years.

Sleep Apnea greatly increases risk of heart disease, & various other conditions.

I've been meeting some nice women through online dating in recent weeks.

No romances, but the chance of making a new friend or two.

Doing things in small bursts to meet people, that sounds like me too.

Thanks Enigma.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Your welcome @Adge - here for you anytime, just tag if you want to talk.

Woo Hoo - the online dating sounds interesting and fun! The chances of meeting nice women for friends to start with sounds just what the doctor ordered @Adge. Yes, small bursts is the way - you just never know what wonderful experiences and memories created may happen from there. One step at a time.....Enjoy my friend and keep me updated with how it goes for you xx

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member That's great.

It always gives me a boost, when someone is happy (or cheering for) me.

I was dissilusioned with online dating for years, after rejections, so I gave up on it.

I've only just got back into it.

Strangely enough, after no online contacts (dating) for such a long time - I've recently had one contact request after another (or all at once).

Must be something in the air (just kidding)...

Adge

[outlander]

thanks for the update @Former-Member its all sounding wonderful even though your busy! its lovely to just hear from you

[Former-Member]

Thank you @outlander - and for thinking of me ❤️