I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

Enjoy your fizzy bubbly smellies and sleep well @Spookytookims 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good morning @CheerBear @Spookytookims and anyone else here in the nest right now. I don't plan to be on the forums much at all today, but thought I'd check in here. Your chocolate muffins sound SUPER yummy CheerBear. I only ever cook anything out of a packet.

@Spookytookims The picture of the toilet, and then the revised one with the toilet complete with rainbow made me giggle.

It super sucks that the catt team called you so late in the evening @CheerBear (although maybe it wasn't so late where you are). Yep, it does sound like they are still lurking around and I would feel super anxious by the language they used too. I fear that this situation hasn't run its course yet - but it will. No matter what happens, you will get through it and it will pass.

Once, I agreed to go into hospital as a voluntary patient. The next day I told them I wanted to leave. They told me that I could either stay as a voluntary patient or they would schedule me. Er...

Play the game, smile and nod, and remember that this muddle isn't forever, Cheerbear.

And don't forget, you can sit still palms-up anywhere (and it is ok to cry). As per @Spookytookims' observation, it wasn't neuroscientists that discovered this idea - it has been a part of Buddhism and other traditions for a very long time. Neuroscientists are just starting to be able to explain the "why" of how it works, but the idea that it works has been around for a super long time. The psychologist made the point of telling me the other day that sometimes when people meditate, they assume the crossed-leg position with their hands on their legs, but they put their finger and thumb together (I think this is to signify the circle of life or something - I'm not sure). The psychologist said that this defeats the purpose because you will automatically create pressure pressing the finger and thumb together. Thus, open palms facing up is the way to go.

I super hope today is a peaceful day for you @CheerBear, and you too @Spookytookims.

[CheerBear]

Hey there @Phoenix_Rising, @Spookytookims and anyone else currently sitting, holding rainbows or drinking tea in the nest.

That choice phoenix_rising, between being a voluntary patient or being scheduled is what I call an impossible choice and it makes me sad and angry to hear you've experienced it too. It's a HUGE part of my whole mess. An impossible choice was the reason life went bam. I have faced too many impossible choices in the last little while that I'm starting to crumble. With the LF there are tug boats lingering in the ocean that kind of are a threat when faced with impossible choices as well. And when impossible choices are presented ever so nicely, with an emphasis on "this is your choice" and "we want you to feel empowered" and "we don't want to cause you stress", it makes me doubt whether I am hearing what I am hearing. I start wondering what's wrong with me because I feel like I am the only one who can see what's happening, so I start questioning whether it is real or make believe and everything feels way more scary then. Right now I feel like I am in that very rocky ocean and there are a whole fleet of boats just watching me waiting to see what I do. I feel like with these catt boats (they're boats dressed in white to me) they are also poking and prodding me to see if I tip over. So I want to run but I am stuck on the spot because I fear any move could trigger any of these boats into action. And when I feel like I need to run but I am frozen, I start feeling like I am spinning and then sinking into a whirlpool. I know you understand this, and I think there are lots of others here who might understand too, which helps me feel a lot less on my own and a little less like I am losing my mind.

Ok, so now I have vented and gotten that out I am leaving that here. That's a worry about tomorrow thing, because today I have a whole swarm of people coming to the house for the inspection and meeting .The good thing about this is that all of a sudden this fear is so much less than it was because the boats in white are taking up my headspace at the moment.

I had the best adventure at the supermarket today. I am planning on sharing it later as a fun thing to do when I need something to have a giggle about. I didn't care that it took three times longer than a normal shop, or that I walked up and down the aisles picking up and putting down all kinds of interesting things. It made me feel good 🙂

Hope you have a peaceful day too!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear, you are not losing your mind. The system is farcical. I do know how frightening it is to be presented with an impossible choice. I know what it feels like to think you are going mad because you can hear how absurd the choice is, yet those saying it seem so genuine. I know how it can make you question your sanity and how super scary that is. I hope when all those feelings of fear creep over you, you will remember the little turtle in the nest in your pocket who truly does "get" it. I know the idea of making you FEEL like you are empowered and have a choice is an entirely different concept to the idea of genuinely empowering you to make a choice. And indeed, telling you that you have a choice when in fact you don't, is in some ways more damaging than being open about the fact you have no choice because, as you are saying, it makes you start to question your own sanity - which brings us back to the concept of gaslighting.

I super wish I could make all of this go away for you, but alas I can't. However, hopefully knowing that I and lots of other people here in Forum Land really do "get" it will at least maybe quell those fears that you are losing your mind.

[Former-Member]

I'm still here @CheerBear 👋💗💕
I hope you are able to do something nice for yourself today.





Hi @Spookytookims @Phoenix_Rising and everyone in the nest. 👀💜💕

[Former-Member]

I can imagine the scary situation you are in @CheerBear
Needing help, but not wanting people to take control. 😮😣😨

Hugs to you. 💗

[CheerBear]

Thank you heaps @Former-Member. Hope you're ok too 💛

[CheerBear]

I'm sitting in this nest. I'm sitting really really tight and still because when I am here and I am tight and still I know I won't pick up my phone and scream and yell to people that I am scared of, that they are making this harder. I won't want to shout to the world that there are too many people working in a way that makes things worse when they are supposed to be there to make it better especially because any worse than how it is to have gotten their 'support' surely can only be very, very bad for the person who needs things to be good not bad more than ever. I won't pick up my phone and call them and tell them that they are wrong if they think that working their way is right for everyone and that it is dangerous to assume that they know what is best when they don't know someone. When they don't know me. I am here in this nest because I scared to be anywhere else because I am scared that anywhere else there are people who think there is something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed sometimes. There's nothing wrong with thoughts of escape. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad. Especially when those thoughts never amount to anything and that sadness doesn't stop me from doing what I need to. I can't tell them I don't trust them. I can't tell them that I'm scared I am imagining things because it is too impossible to believe this really happens. I can't tell them how angry I am that I thought I could work this through with a professional who told me I could work it through with them. I am so angry at myself, not for feeling overwhelmed and not for feeling sad or hurt, but for trusting that I could talk about those feelings and thoughts. I wish I had never said anything and I wish I could take it all back. I'm sitting here talking to myself because otherwise I will talk to them and tell them that I am very scared. I am scared of them, not scared of me. Here I won't tell them that I am so scared that if I tell them I am thinking something they'll keep poking, and if I tell them that I am not they won't believe me anyway. And that means I can't say anything at all. I have to stay silent but they don't like silence either. Here I do not have to be silent unless I want to. I don't have to try and play a game that I know I don't have in me to play so I question whether I am better off surrendering to them because I know I will go down anyway, it's just a matter of when and how now. Here I am not in the world of trouble that I live in outside of this nest.

[Former-Member]

Hiya @CheerBear

im here with you and I hear you. I've been in a similar but very different situation with that trust of the system you speak of and still find myself today ( I had appointments) in the same place with trust of said system. I have to drive for over an hour now to pick up my son but wanted you to know you are not alone and your feelings about it all are validated. My heart hopes that common sense prevails for you and your worst fears are not recognised. 

Sending hugs 💜🤗💐

[Former-Member]

I'm so sorry that you went to someone for help and now life is even harder for you @CheerBear
I don't know what to say.
I'll sit with you and listen, if you like.

I trusted a psychologist years ago, totally different situation, but, like you, I will be very careful what I say to people. It really sucks that this has happened to you CheerBear.
Who do you turn to for help now?
Big hugs to you. 💟💕

I'm glad you have your nest to go to.