RE: Darkness surrounds me

[Faith-and-Hope]

Positive sensory things can bring some emotional relief @Former-Member ..... very warm water, bubbles, bath salts  ..... something that smells lovely ....

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope will try that.

@BunniekinsHow are you??

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

It is super nice to see you back here in Forum Land. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling ashamed and guilty. I wish there was something I could say to ease those feelings, but I know there isn't. As I mentioned to @Sans911 the other day, I can honestly say I've never felt shame or guilt over anything I've done when in extreme distress. We can only ever do our best and if our best looks like chaos to others and leads to less-than-ideal outcomes, then so be it. If our actions cause harm to others, all we can do is apologise, dust ourselves down, and then get up and keep on keeping on. It was totally inappropriate for anyone to add to your negative feelings by pointing out that you have children. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you already knew you had children - you didn't need to be told.

You truly have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, but I know that me saying this won't make you feel the feelings any less. My understanding is that you tried to seek help from your GP and no help was forthcoming. Thus, it seems to me that you did the very best you could in a very difficult situation. That is all any of us can ever do. 

[Bunniekins]

You know what NellBell regardless of a rather stressful few days away I am feeling pretty good thanks. I am glad to be back to normal tho and be sitting in front of my computer in my comfy chair with my furry friend at my feet.

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_RisingThanks for your kind words.  I have said sorry already but I guess it is not making me feel any better. I did try to seek help before hand which I think made me worse off after that. I would be telling someone the exact same thing, that they have nothing to feel ashamed and guilty about, but I guess we are always harder on ourselves than others, well thats what my psychologist tells me anyway.

[Former-Member]

@BunniekinsI am glad you are back early and feel pretty good even if it was a stressful few days. Make sure you take care of yourself. I found this and this and thought of you!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member Yep, it is very strange the way we say one thing to other people and yet say the opposite to ourselves. I know you would (and have!) told others that they have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.

Feelings are feelings. They all pass in time. It sounds like right now you are feeling guilty, ashamed and angry at yourself, is that right? And we seem to agree that there is nothing anyone can say to make those feelings disappear. So I guess that means we will just have to sit with them until they pass. I will sit with you.

[Bunniekins]

I love my NellBell! xxxx ... 

@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_RisingYes I do have those feelings at the moment which are not sitting well with me but know that they will probably been aroound for quite awhile. So critical of ourselves yet show so much compassion to others. Thank you for sitting with me. I know weekends are super difficult for you to be on the forum at times. 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member,one of the reasons I avoid people is due to my shame of being known to have had a breakdown and long term unemployed.I have to protect myself (sometimes fail),from the shame.You had no control over what happened,you said you were unhappy with your GP because you knew you weren't good.I have my own concerns that I will dissociate like you and @outlander did,due to the feelings and trauma of anxiety and depression.I know it's hard,but I think your family would rather you just focus on getting better.🙋