when is it time for hospital

[outlander]

Im still up too @eth
Im scared the monsters will come and get me if i go to sleep. One of the main reason why I like havin g someone around or "with" me on here
Im tired and was galling ásleep with tv on and now b its off and quiet and im awake again

[outlander]

The shaking is still here @eth
I don't think its a fever as my temp is at 35.6 so not hot

[eth]

I can be here for a little while @outlander  Are the monsters in your dreams when you sleep?  Maybe it would help to sleep with the TV on?  Not ideal but if it helps, it helps.  I just fell asleep with mine on for 2 hours, really deep sleep.

[eth]

@outlander  I believe sometimes our body has reactions to protect our mind from reacting if that makes sense.  There is a 24hr medical help ph number if you want it.

[Phoenix_Rising]

---

@outlander wrote:

Ive been trying to work out the second offer from the mental health team. I received a letter today explaning the logistics. They give me 3 session to be assessed for a behavioural problem- personality disorder then after they have made an assessment then thats its otherwise they send me off to do group work – I dont really want that.
They during any of the sessions discuss hospitalisation nor do they discuss medications.
So if mums bf was to come to a session then the psychologist would be supporting him and not me because they dont agree with hospitalisation nor medications. Thats up to gp and psychiatrist to discuss. Ive had to make a phone call and try to get a female psychologist for these 'private' discussion/assessments. I still havent heard back from them and judging by the response I gto today when I asked to change they obviously dont get many of those requests. Im hopinh ill hear back from them tomorrow.

---

@outlander This actually sounds really positive. You have mentioned before that you live about an hour-and-a-half south of me. Based on that, I'm thinking that you might live in a local health district that is at the cutting edge of treating BPD. They work closely with the university in that area where the guru of BPD research and treatment works. If you google "Project Air" you will find all the work that is happening at that uni re. BPD.

It sounds like the MH team are offering you a great deal here. The fact that they will spend three sessions doing an assessment sounds really thorough. And then it sounds like if they feel you would benefit from a DBT group, you would be able to access that (I am making an assumption here that "group work" = DBT).

Seriously @outlander if you do live where I think you live, then I think you are probably in the very best place in the state to recieve treatment for BPD (if they do decide that your muddle reflects this diagnosis). And if you can get good support now, then it can potentially be life changing. DBT was VERY new when I was diagnosed with BPD and even though it was recommended for me, it could only be accessed via a private hospital in Sydney and my mum couldn't afford it. I know that if I had done DBT when I was your age, my life would have turned out very differently.

Of course, they may decide that your muddle does not reflect BPD. However, if they do recommend that you might benefit from DBT, then I would grab that opportunity with both hands @outlander.

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I got a good night's sleep - I only got up a short time ago - still feeling comfortably drowsy - and it's another nice day in Melbourne

Your mother denying your the rights to your feelings is another form of abuse - it's like you are a ghost - I think she made a few huge mistakes when she was young and is making you pay for them - and it's cruel. Those events maybe didn't happen to you directly but they happened on your watch and in your time-line - and they have caused you pain that is all the worse for not being acknowledged - and this is really hard for you

What I meant by details not tumbling through the spaces in your stories is that your story is consistent even though you have gaps in it as you tell it. When you do come back on a point you fill it in and it's not inconsistent - the whole story comes together and it makes sense - it's honest - and I think you have been disbelieved so often this is hard to understand. You make perfect sense to me and your writing is intelligent and I believe it without question.

Your mother's resentment toward you - the lost of your nan and now your pop's illness - being blamed for your sister being attacked by a dog, and being thrown from a horse and having that horse or another horse taken from you - ripped from underneath you - I recall you saying - all these add up to the present with it's lack of privacy and your being treated like a slave - and your sisters being bitchy and you have no recourse anywhere in your home - with your belongings being stolen (your medication and God knows what else) - yes this is causing you anxiety and depression which is leading to SI and I think SA - and the pity of it all is none of this would be happening if your were being treated with kindness and love and a little appreciation

I am glad you can find somewhere else to sleep some nights - try and keep away as much as possible - your mother is like mine - totally unreasonable - she will not understand you because she doesn't want to - and I understand - I left my family for years on end when I was older than you - and yes - this kind of life-style hurts a lot - 

Feel free to imagine yourself in a safe place with a cat and a TV with plenty of movies and a piano - in the other front room - and a person who cares about your feelings and what has happened in your life - you said a lot when you said that your were told that none of the events in your life didn't happen to you - because they did - they are part of your story and telling them they didn't happen to you is ignoring the sorrow you experienced

Lots more hugs

Dec

[Former-Member]

Good Morning Claire 🙂 @outlander

Your rides a rough one, lucky your a horse trainer, maybe all that knowledge can help you smooth it out? I missed my Good nights last night, just couldn't keep my eyes open!

I wouldn't want to do group work either. I remember being arrested for drink driving and being put into lock-up. I was extremely drunk, I think perhaps I blurted out some of the childhood abuse stuff, maybe that's why I was given a single cell - maybe it was due to concern for the other inmates - either way I was glad to be alone. There was a kind of half wall near the toilet in the corner of the room, even in this single cell I tried to hide behind it. There were no bars to these cells, instead they had see-through, clear walls - eventually they even closed some blinds on mine. Then when it came to being released, I even made a phone call, to the fella who was using me at the time, but he couldn't afford the fuel to come and collect me. I think the Police kind of felt sorry for me, as it was a Policeman that gave me a lift to a family members home. All in all it was a very unpleasant situation, don't why I'm telling you about it, don't know what's made me think of it. Perhaps there's a part of me that sees your home as your prison. Perhaps I imagine when you 'jump ship', you feel as I did in that cell? Horrible, just horrible!

I have not had a pretty past, I was not a good citizen, but if I did not give myself the chance to get older I would never have know the calmness I can now feel. Now I can see the Sun sparkling on the leaves, I can hear the beauty in the birds songs, feel the wisdom in the wind. I can even hope that my tumultuous past may help someone else blur through there own storm 🙂 

Love you @outlander

I believe in you!

[Owlunar]

Hi Niqua

I am so sorry all that happened to you - it seems like a really bad scene - and a terrible time of life - I am certainly glad you survived and are here to tell the tale now

Prison must be terrible - or jail - or whatever. My son was in the old Juvenile Justice Centre - it was terrible there - really old and just bad - those buildings have all gone now and the Centre is a place where boys and girls have the chance to "get a life" 

But visiting there - wow - I would hate to spend the night even. I guess you were in a safe place for the night but still

I have never drunk much - I was largely reared by my strick grandmother who was against a lot of things - but very loving and saved me from a lot. I have found it hard to break past a lot of her teaching - but I live reasonably and think a drink here and there, and other things - are fine

But I also think that there but for the grace of God go I.

And I am sorry you had to live though all of that - it's good to share it with people you trust

Dec

@Former-Member

[eth]

@Former-Member  I'm sorry that happened to you too.  I was also once held in the clear-walled room at the police station.  What it was for is too long a story but it involved being assaulted really badly the night before.  It was awful, one of my worst ever experiences.  The cops even taunted me while I was in there, saying I was crazy and other things through the walls.  It was part of what triggered one of my longest periods of mania.  I really feel for you with this memory.

[Former-Member]

Thank-you Dec

When I saw you'd tagged me after I'd written that, I was nervous - though I know the moderators won't allow anything negitive through. But to see such understanding and caring in what you wrote has lifted my heart.

I will never look at a drunk or drugged person and think lowly of them for it, they do that for a reason, there is always a reason. I will fear them and avoid them because I know what it's like to not be in control of your actions. But my heart bleeds for them.

Love to you Dec, I know this is a difficult time for you

@Owlunar