Thanks @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Determined @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Maggie for your messages of understanding and support.
I will just elaborate a little because what Enigma said is very true. There are a number of other stressors affecting me at present, and they have been around for several months.
A couple of months ago my Mum was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and had a full mastectomy. She is now home and recovering slowly after having got the flu when in hospital for her surgery, which later developed into pneumonia. So she had several stints in hospital. I was down there as much as I could for her, including once she came home from hospital. But as she lives some 7 hrs drive from me, its not possible to be there as much as I'd like. She is now refusing further post operative treatment which has been recommended. She is 80 though, and says she knows what she's doing.
The same week my Mum was diagnosed with cancer, my Husband was also diagnosed with metastatic cancer on his lungs. Although a PET scan confirmed cancer, they didnt know whether it had metastisized from the Renal cancer he had 6 years ago (had a kidney removed), or from the melanoma he'd had removed early last year. Either way the nodules were numerous and scattered through both lungs.
The only way they could determine where the cancer originated, and thus know the best treatment, was to get a sample for pathology. So a major operation (a lung wedge resection) was performed 2.5 weeks ago in our nearest City hospital by a cardio thoracic surgeon. Hubby has been most unwell since then, and still remains in the City hospital now. 18 days in hospital, and still counting, is a long time. We are hoping he can be transferred to our local hospital this week, but so far nobody is prepared to release him. His recovery from the operation should speed up once he's back in familiar surroundings and where his friends can call in and visit him.
Anyway all that has meant I have had to travel to the City and spend numerous nights there on my own. For me, being in a City alone is a trigger for my PTSD and I have been suffering as a result. Coming on top of the episode overseas, thats probably been enough to keep me in the acute stages of ptsd I suppose.
And the bad news from the pathology results last week is that hubby has Stage IV (metastatic) Melanoma. No cure for that, its simply a matter of time. Further tests are being done to see if some of the new immunotherapy treatments are likely to be beneficial, but even they dont cure or prolong life. It may help reduce the size and prevent further spread, plus keep him symptom free for a little longer than otherwise. But there really is no cure.
Just before my hubby went into hospital for his operation almost 3 weeks ago, my Dad was diagnosed with heart failure. So he is waiting to get in to see a cardiologist to see what can be done to help him. Meanwhile he is on blood thinners to make it easier for his heart to pump blood through his body. It is so far helping to keep him stable, and he is not having so much trouble breathing. So thats good. Its now just a matter of waiting for an appointment through the public health system.
My brother who lost his little girl 2 years ago in a car accident continues to be a big concern for me as I try to support him as much as I can from afar. He has PTSD, is suicidal and has lifelong physical injuries as a result of the accident and is still unable to return to work. With him its very much a day to day thing, with many ups and downs. I do my best as his primary contact on his safety plan, but sometimes the long phone calls are more than I can manage.
So I seem to be getting hit from all angles lately. Definitely an accumulation of things as Enigma suggested. I also recently experienced the loss of a support network through which I had been seeking some support for myself. That hurt deeply, and I feel very let down and unsupported as a result.
Which is why the support and understanding you people have shown me, means so much. Thankyou.
Sherry 
Wow! @Former-Member I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. To see and watch people you love go through such painful, traumatic experiences is very hard. You must feel absolutely exhausted.
I am the same with big cities. Do you have to drive there, or catch public transport? Either way, both sound stressful. Do you have anyone to keep you company when you have to travel there? I hate to think of you doing it alone.
Feel for you deeply and am sad that you are alone. I wish I could be there is person.
I am going to have to go and do the school run now, but just wanted to quickly say that I read your message and am sending love to you and I am glad that you feel that you can reach out on here. It is so important to feel that we are understood and that people care.
